"it" just moved
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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