You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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