Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
