I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer is more important than you right now.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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