remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize
