i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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