the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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