I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
