I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
