I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
