I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
