I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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