i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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