new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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