i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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