my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
