do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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