im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
