your thong is hanging out like whoa
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
