my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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