I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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