9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
