Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize