Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
