there's paper in my vomit.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize