I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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