nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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