Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
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