And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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