its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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