you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
