Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
