no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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