I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
