I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just tell him i said nine months
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
