It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
