9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
