just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
