Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
