Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
