I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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