We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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