You made me cry and you don't even care
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
