Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
