do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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