so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
