38 yer olds are good kisserssss
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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