In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
