Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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