I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
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