my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
