I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
