fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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