my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
