Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
