brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you would pick up someone in the library
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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