He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Oh god it's open bar.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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