New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
then he tried to convert me to islam
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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