Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
