she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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