i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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