You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
