I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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