come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
