hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
only you would photoshop your dick
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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