My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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