I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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