So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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