Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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