Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
