I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
